Thursday, 9 September 2010


Codename: Tails - Us Superior Species, No-Tails - Humans, Koi - Yum!

I was chillaxing, snoozing and sunbathing on the wall outside the other day, and saw a van pull up outside nextdoor. The No-Tail driver dropped off a brand new delivery of juicy Koi for the No-Tail neighbour’s pond!
So me and some other Tail boyz, Garfield, Felix, Bagpuss and Rocky decided to plan a heist of the Koi! Purrrrr We decided to all meet in Felix shed to discuss the heist! It was all "Hush Hush" We even had a secret password "Purr, Meow, Purr, Meow" And we knocked on the shed door with our paws three times. Poor old Bagpuss got confused and nearly didn’t get let in because he knocked three times with each of his paws!

It was decided that I should be the one to carry out the heist, I eagerly put myself forward when we were deciding who should do it, I took one step forward, the others all took one step backwards. Well, all except for Rocky who’d had some catnip and fell over!

We spent hours planning every detail of the heist, Garfield took on the role of the planning manager in the kind of style of Captain Mainwaring from Dad’s Army, he even looks a bit like him, must be the glasses! We decided on a nine stage plan, as we knew we would remember nine as we have nine lives!

We drew up a map (See above) to help us plan our strategic manoeuvres, and for tips we even watched the DVD of "Ocean's Eleven" We decided we were quite like the "Rat Pack" Except we were cats of course, so named ourselves the "Cat Pack"

Here is how we got on!

Operation "FISHSWIPE" Day

My Er’Indoors got up and went to work, I’d only had 21 hours sleep so I decided to go back to bed for a while after I had my breakfast that Er’Indoors served me before she left.

Got up and met with the other members of the "Cat Pack" to finalise plans, unfortunately Captain Garfield had to drop out due to waking up covered in fleas, we didn’t want to jeopardise the heist by having him scratching all over the place, so Corporal Bagpuss took over as planning manager.

All of the other members of the "Cat Pack" went and got into their positions dotted around the gardens. I went and got the bait I keep especially for fishing, worms! No harm comes to the worms, I always reuse them again after a fishing expedition. I find they keep the freshest if I store them in Er’Indoors bottles of alcohol, she accidentally drunk one of the worms the other night that I’d been keeping in a bottle of her tequila, poor Wiggles!

I left the cat flap, signalled to the others by scratching on the backdoor as planned and headed for manoeuvre stage one of the heist.

Stage one: I stopped and spent a while preening myself, making a big show of licking my paws, just in case any No-Tails were watching, to throw them off the scent of what we were planning. All of the other "Cat Pack" did the same. Then I moved on to stage two.

Stage two: I headed for a cluster of flower pots, and was alarmed to see the local Avon lady heading in our direction dropping some books off, so I pretended to lay down and have a snooze, it wouldn’t look suspicious as it was a lovely sunny day and would be a quite normal thing for her to see a cat snoozing in the sunshine. All of the other "Cat Pack" followed my example and did the same.

Woke up!!! I accidentally fell asleep for hours, ooops! Well it was so lovely and sunny, with the birds twittering in the background, lovely! The other members of the "Cat Pack" slept too, we only woke up because a helicopter flew over and disturbed us! I then moved on to stage three.

Stage three: I rolled in some freshly mowed grass and dirt to add to my camouflage, any No-Tail watching wouldn’t have thought that was unusual at all, a very normal thing for us cats to do, Purrrrrrrr

Stage four: Was to climb up onto the shed and meet with Rocky, we pretended to hiss at each other for a bit to make it look like we were discussing territory issues, just in case any No-Tails were watching. We’ve had territory issues in the past, but have put it all behind us now due to going on us cat’s version of the Jeremy Kyle show.

Stage five: Jumped down from the shed and had another preen, then rolled in the grass and dirt again, all of the other "Cat Pack" also had another preen.

I had a chase of some pigeons, this actually wasn’t part of the operation plans, but they kept swooping at me, I couldn’t help myself! Pesky pigeons!

Stage six: I went under the fence linking my garden to the neighbour’s garden, Bagpuss and Garfield had scrapped a kind of tunnel under the fence during the night, they got the idea from watching the DVD of "The Great Escape" They took the dirt away by borrowing a dogs coat, making pockets in it and hiding the dirt in the pockets, then casually strutting along wearing the coats, releasing a little bit of dirt as they went.

Stage seven: Went and joined Felix and Bagpuss on the wall in the No-Tail neighbour’s garden, At that moment the Avon lady walked past again, so we decided to pretend to snooze again, it was still lovely and sunny, the other members of the "Cat Pack" did the same.

Woke up!!! We’d dropped off into a lovely, luxurious snooze again, we only woke up because the pesky pigeons started to swoop at us again! Headed for stage eight.

Stage eight: Jumped down from the wall, feeling very tense now, the final stage, stage nine of Operation "FISHSWIPE" was about to happen, I got my wiggly bait ready and headed for the pond, crawling low to the ground, stealth like!!!

Stage nine: ABORT!! ABORT!! Abandon operation….The fish pond was empty!!!! They must be cleaning the pond!!!!

Operation "FISHSWIPE" = Fail

Some music to listen to, which I had playing on my iPod during Operation "FISHSWIPE" Purrrrrrr